Behind The Scenes At The Muppet Theatre
by Lil' Fizz
Summary: Kermit and Miss Piggy's two children, Axel and Jasmine have been set a school project to make a presentation about their home. But instead of making a PowerPoint or a boring old booklet, they decided to grab a camera and make a film of it! Prepare to see the Muppet Theatre like you've never seen it before, through the eyes of two excitable, boisterous children!
1. Introduction to the narrators

**A brand new fanfic! :O Whatever will this one be about? Well, a while ago, I invented two children for Kermit and Miss Piggy, Jasmine and Axel, but I couldn't think of a story for them in AGES until last night at 9:10pm, I suddenly had the most genius idea...that I'm not going to tell you! :P I'll let them introduce themselves. Enjoy!**

**Thanks to Jacqueline Wilson for giving me the idea for how to set out this chapter. The rest off it will be in play format, but for this chapter and this chapter only, Jasmine and Axel are writing it, Jasmine is in italics and Axel is normal so you don't get confused.**

_My name's Jasmine_

And I'm Axel

_I'm 9 and he's 13. We're brother and sister, could you tell? We've been asked-_

Well, we've been _made _to, homework isn't optional

_Yes, I know. We've been made to make some sort of presentation of what our home is like. And we thought, instead of making a PowerPoint or a boring old booklet like everybody else would, we would get a video camera and make a video! So that's what we're doing, we're going to go around and say hi to everyone and film them._

The only thing is...our home is far from ordinary. We live at the Muppet Theatre.

_Yep, Kermit's our dad and Miss Piggy's our mum._

Are you surprised? We were! We've seen every single Muppet movie loads of times and know exactly what Mum and Dad were like before we were born and I honestly thought they would NEVER get together.

_Me too. But they did, and soon we were born and there were two new members to the Muppet family._

Oh there you go with the whole _family_ thing again.

_What?_

It's cheesy.

_Well tough, I'm a muppet, I _like _cheesy._

_I _don't and I'm a Muppet. Jasmine's a real muppet nerd.

_Hey!...Well I suppose I _am _a little, but the Muppets are awesome! Anyway, I'm digressing, the point is, this is our life. I guess we'd better introduce ourselves._

OK! If there's any way to stand out from a crowd of classmates, it's to make yourself known.

_Well, where do I start? Axel is the older, loud, confident boisterous one who always gets into trouble._

Hey! That's not fair, _I _wanted to introduce me!

_You mean '_myself'

Whatever. Well I'm a pig; (Jasmine's a frog by the way) I've got blond hair and green eyes. I'm always getting into scrapes so my clothes are usually torn and dirty. A lot of people say I'm like my mum, but I don't think-

_You _so _are. And not just because you're a pig. You have _such_ a temper._

No I don't!

_And you can be really full of yourself, and-_

You realise that the more you insult me, the more you're insulting Mum.

_Ah. Sorry. I'll get on with introducing _me _shall I?_

Yes

_OK. Well, I'm Jasmine, as you know, I'm a 9 year old frog and I broke records by being the first ever frog with coloured eyes. They're bright blue, like my mum's. I'm such a daddy's girl and proud of it too. I'm much quieter than Axel as well and I'm very bookish. While Axel runs around loudly cheeking everyone in sight, I'm more likely hidden away somewhere with a book. They're my guilty pleasure, I zoom through them much to Axel's disgust._

I'm disgusted _now_. Look, you're not writing any of that book rubbish. Get on with our life.

_Alright, alright. Well, I'm very into that cheesy Muppet stuff. I adore making cheesy speeches._

You would, daddy's-girl.

_Shut up. And I like the idea of us Muppets all being one big Muppet family._

Shall we start interviewing then?

_OK. Let's go!_


	2. Rowlf the Dog

**Hello everyone! So all the chapters (except the last one) will be in play format. Also, the Muppets in this are in no particular order, just the order that looked right.**

**_Rolf _**_is playing his piano in his dressing room. __**Axel **__and __**Jasmine**__ peer through the crack in the door. They do not make any noise however, __**Rolf **__hears them immediately._

Rolf: Yes?

Jasmine: Hiya, Rolf.

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__enter the room_]

Axel: Are you busy?

Rolf: Well... [_The piano music stops_] I was practicing but, what can I do you for?

Jasmine: Well we're doing this project for school you see and we were wondering...could we interview you?

Rolf: Interview? I guess so. Wouldn't you wanna see the boss instead? [_referring to __**Kermit**_]

Axel: Yeah, why aren't we interviewing Mum or Dad first?

Jasmine: Patience, Axel. I've got it all planned out. [_she taps a piece of paper_] So Rolf, [_she turns to __**Rolf**_] what is your role in the Muppets?

Rolf: Well, I'm a pianist. That means someone who plays piano. I haven't got a very important role or anything backstage, and I've tried countless times to get into the band, Electric Mayhem, but I'm always declined because I'm not 'cool' enough.

Jasmine: Aww. That's sad. I think you're cool Rolf!

Rolf: Well thank you.

Axel: So Rolf, you're the first person we've interviewed so far so we just want to know, what is it like to be a Muppet?

Rolf: Well, I can tell you one thing, it's extremely random. Performing alongside nutters like Fozzie and Gonzo, sometimes I honestly feel like I'm the only sane one here.

Axel: I know how you feel.

Jasmine: So on a different note; you played the part of Dr Bob on Vetenerian's hospital in the Muppet Show didn't you? But you're not actually a doctor are you?

Rolf: No. And a good thing too! All Dr Bob ever did was sit around and tell jokes!

Jasmine: Yeah, I remember that. And one final question, do you ever feel like no-one really takes you seriously because you're a dog?

Rolf: Not really. I used to get that with humans, but here at the Muppet Theatre, I'm working alongside frogs, pigs and bears so I'm not exactly disadvantaged.

Axel: Thanks Rolf, we're finished now.

Rolf: OK, bye.

**Sorry that was kinda boring; it's just that it's hard to find inspiration from such a boring guy (no offence Rolf). But I will try to make the next chapter funnier than this one.**

**Peace!**


	3. Fozzie Bear

**_Jasmine, Axel _**_and __**Fozzie **__are in Fozzie's dressing room. __**Axel **__is setting up the camera, __**Fozzie **__is smoothing down his fur and __**Jasmine **__is telling him not to get too excited because it's just a homework project._

Fozzie: So, what is this for again?

Axel: This is our homework project. We're just going to give you a quick interview.

Fozzie: OK. Hey, did you hear the joke about the jam?

Jasmine: No jokes please, Fozzie

Fozzie: Alright, I won't tell you, you'll only spread it!

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__groan_]

Axel: Camera's rolling.

Fozzie: Oh, great! How do I look? [_He peers into the camera, a banana in one hand and a rubber chicken in the other_]

Jasmine: You really do love the limelight, don't you?

Fozzie: Oh yeah, it's brilliant! I was born into showbiz and I always had dreams of becoming a comedian, but no-one, not even my own mum thought I could do it. Until I met Mr. Kermit, your dad, and that was when my career started.

Jasmine: That's very sweet. So you're a comedian, but what is your role behind the scenes?

Fozzie: Well I like to think I'm quite important because I'm Kermit's best friend. Do you remember that time when he was off sick, so he put me in charge of the show? That was brilliant. It really showed his trust in me.

Axel: Either that or he'd lost his mind.

Fozzie: Hey! Don't you think I get enough of that already?

Jasmine: So, anyway, Fozzie. If you're Dad's best friend that means you're kind of like an uncle to us. Can we call you Uncle Fozzie?

[**_Axel _**_makes a disgusted sound but __**Jasmine **__and __**Fozzie **__ignore it_]

Fozzie: Sure! Hey, did you hear about Vincent Van Gough's magician uncle? He was called Wherediddy Gough! Ahhhhh! Wocka, Wocka!

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine **__look at each other and sigh_]

Axel: Well, we'd better stop here before you tell anymore rubbish jokes.

Fozzie: Can't I tell you the joke about the broken bicycle?

Jasmine: No, please don't!

Fozzie: Alright, alright, it doesn't go anywhere!

[**_Axel _**_turns the camera off_]

Fozzie: No, no, no wait! I didn't tell the one about the monkey and the-

**Sorry for the abrupt end but I thought it would be funny.**


	4. Scooter

**In dedication to a guest called Dardra because I was going to give this fanfiction up until she reviewed me and said that it was good. Thank you!**

**_Scooter _**_is sitting at his desk giving orders to a rat, __**Jasmine **__and __**Axel **__walk up to him._

Scooter: [_To the rat_] Yep, milk and two sugars please. And be quick about it.

Axel: Scooter! Hey buddy.

Scooter: Oh, hiya kids. You know, when I was employed here as a gofer, I never imagined that I'd have other people fetching stuff for me.

Jasmine: That's Rizzo. You know, the rat guy. Dad would kill you if he found out what you're doing.

Scooter: Oh... [_He looks regretful, __**Axel **__grins at him_]

Axel: Hey, don't worry. We're not snitches.

Scooter: [_Looks relieved_] Thanks guys. So, what did you come here for?

Jasmine: Well we're doing this project for school and we were wondering...could we interview you?

Scooter: Sure!

Jasmine: OK, so, first question: What is your role in the Muppets?

Scooter: Well, I was the gofer when I first started as a teen, I would run around fetching things and doing errands for people. But after I was a bit older, I got promoted to a secretary and basically, Kermit's second-in-command. He relied on me_ a lot_.

Axel: So that's your job, what's your role as a _character_?

Scooter: Well, when I first started, my uncle owned the whole theatre, so I guess you could say that I was the spoilt one of the group.

Jasmine: Why?

Scooter: Well, Kermit didn't think much of me at first, but I only had to play the U-card and I got whatever I wanted.

Axel: The U-card?

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Scooter **__look at him like he's stupid_]

Axel: What?

Jasmine: One last question. So you're normal,

Scooter: I hope so

Jasmine: Do you enjoy working with loads of weirdos?

Scooter: Oh yeah! It's great fun! When I was a kid I always imagined myself stuck in a boring old office job. I didn't even know places like this existed, but once I'd discovered that work could be fun, well it was just brilliant.

Jasmine: Never a dull moment in the Muppet Theatre, right?

Scooter: Definitely!

Axel: [grumbles] And don't we know it.

[**_Jasmine _**_sighs_]

Jasmine: Downer. [_To __**Scooter**_] Well, we'd better be going. See you.

Scooter: Bye, kids.


	5. Walter

**_Walter _**_is sitting at his desk on a laptop giggling and typing things. __**Jasmine **__thinks he is busy so she turns to go. __**Axel **__stops her and walks inside._

Jasmine: What are you doing?

[**_Walter _**_looks around_]

Walter: Oh hey, I'm just talking to Gary.

Axel: Can we borrow you for a minute?

Jasmine: No, Axel! He's busy.

Walter: Oh, no, that's fine. [_He types something into his computer and shuts the lid_] So what's up?

Axel: Well we've got this homework, see.

Walter: Oh yeah?

Jasmine: Yep, and we were wondering if we could interview you?

Walter: Interview? For _homework_?

Jasmine: [_nods_] It's a presentation of our home.

Axel: So naturally, we want to show them the madness that goes on in this place.

Walter: I see…have you been to see Gonzo yet?

Jasmine: Not yet, it's all planned out you see. So we just have some questions for you. First question, we all know what happened with you and your brother Gary when you joined the Muppets **(seriously, if you haven't seen that film…what are you doing? Go watch it, now!) **but we were wondering…what do you think you would have done as a job if you hadn't become a Muppet?

Walter: [_looks thoughtful_] I don't know. I don't suppose a professional whistler counts as a job, does it?

Axel: No.

[**_Axel _**_gets a sharp dig in the ribs from __**Jasmine**_]

Walter: Well, since Gary and Mary were both teachers, everyone expected me to grow up to be one too. I didn't like the sound of that. I wanted to grow up and have an impact on the world, to be remembered, and not just as Gary's brother like I always was.

Jasmine: That's sweet. Why did you join the Muppets in the first place? I know you helped them get their theatre back, but didn't you always want to be on the Muppets since you were a kid? Why was that?

Walter: [_nods_] Ever since I was twelve.

Axel: Sounds like a nuts dream to me. If you ask me, all these Muppets drive me up the wall. Especially _this_ one.

[_He nudges __**Jasmine**__. She gives him a shove_]

Walter: Oh, Axel, you can't mean that! The Muppets are amazing! Besides, like you said, they're your family; you'll miss them when they're gone. The reason _I_ always wanted to join the Muppets was because as a kid I always felt left out because I looked different to anyone else. The only other people I'd seen that look like me were the Muppets, so I hoped that if I joined them, I'd feel a sense of belonging.

Axel: You too huh? I get teased really badly at school because I'm half pig half frog and my sister's a different species to me.

Jasmine: [_huffily_] What's wrong with frogs?

Axel [_shrugs_] Ask _them _not me.

Jasmine: Fine. Anyway, [_turns back to **Walter**_] you say the Muppets are like a family, do you ever miss your _first_ family?

Walter: A bit. But it's worth it to be here, having all these crazy adventures and finally making an impact on the world!

Axel: So what's your role in the Muppets?

Walter: Well, I'm the newbie here, for obvious reasons. A lot of people thought I was cowardly at first because I'm pretty awkward, but that's nothing of the case, I will face up to danger if necessary to save my friends from whatever scraps they get into.

Jasmine: So are you on good terms with all of the Muppets?

Walter: I think so. Kermit and I are great mates, considering I practically fainted when I first met him.

Jasmine: Not practically, completely.

Axel: And boy, was it funny!

[**_Axel _**_starts laughing madly. __**Jasmine **__tries to shut him up but to no prevail_]

Jasmine: [_sighs_] Sorry about him. I guess we'd better get moving, but before we go, can we ask a favour?

Walter: Sure.

Jasmine: Can you show us your famous whistling?

[**_Axel _**_manages to stop laughing just in time to hear __**Walter **__whistle a sad tune_]

Axel: That's nice, but you know what we want to hear!

[**_Walter _**_grins and starts whistling The Muppet Show theme. __**Jasmine **__and __**Axel **__start dancing_]


	6. Robin the Frog

**OK, so there are some things I need to clear up before I start this chapter. Firstly, this fanfic is set a few decades (a decade is 10 years BTW) in the future so all the Muppets are a little older than they were in the movies and TV series. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but Robin is a kid so he changes ****_a lot. _****In this, he is 19 as apposed to usually he is around eight-ish and I ****_sort of _****turned him into a gangster…Also, the back-story for Robin is completely made up, there is no truth in it whatsoever so PLEASE don't use this fanfiction as a means of information because…well…it's FANFICTION!**

**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are walking down the corridor. __**Jasmine **__is reading from a piece of paper and ticking things off._

Jasmine: Rowlf, tick. Fozzie, tick. Scooter, tick. Walter, tick. So, [_To __**Axel**_] next up is…

[_Before __**Jasmine **__can finish, she and __**Axel **__accidently bump into __**Robin**_]

Axel: Sorry, mate [_He stops when he realises who it is and turns around_] oh, hey, Robin!

Robin: Hiya Axel, mate.

[_They fist-pump. __**Jasmine **__cowers behind __**Axel**_]

Jasmine: Hey, wait! Robin, you're not on the list, we could interview you!

Robin: [_puts his head on one side_] Interview? How come? Are we on another show now? Like, a documentary?

Axel: Nah, don't worry mate, it's just homework.

Robin: Homework? Weird homework if you ask me.

Axel: It's a presentation of our home.

Robin: Fair enough, so what's the first question?

Axel: [_shrugs_] I don't know. [_He nudges his sister_] Jasmine, you're the organised one.

Jasmine: [_stutters a little, thinks for a while_] Oh, uhh…oh yes! So the last time we saw you, you were…?

Robin: Eight

Jasmine: And now?

Robin: I'm nineteen.

Jasmine: Big age gap. How do you think you've changed in that time?

Robin: Oh, a ton. Before, I was an annoying little kid, only there because of my cuteness. But now I've grown up, I'm almost an adult now, much cooler, not whiney anymore.

Axel: You bet.

Jasmine: Alright, moving on, you're what relation to us?

Robin: I'm your cousin. Your dad is my uncle.

Axel: And you've always lived here, right? With our dad.

Robin [_nods_] Mmm.

Axel: Why is that?

Jasmine: Axel! Don't be nosy!

Axel: I'm just asking, where are your parents? You've never told us, you've never told anyone.

Robin: [_sighs_] You want to know, I'll tell you. I don't have a mum; she died when I was born. My dad – Michael the Frog - was a very eccentric person, almost crazy. He wasn't mean or anything, but he used to do some nutty stuff. He was an inventor, you see, and I didn't think much of his ideas. So to get away from him constantly blowing up the apartment, guess where I'd go.

Jasmine: The Muppet Theatre?

Robin: Exactly. I loved it here with my uncle and all my friends. Life wasn't perfect, but it was pretty fun. Until…

Axel: Until?

Robin: Dad met _Ivy _[_says her name with disgust_].

Jasmine: Ivy?

Robin: Dad's new girlfriend. You know how ivy the plant has a habit of taking everything over?

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine**_ _nod_]

Robin: Well Dad's new girlfriend certainly did that. Within a few _weeks _she had plans for us all to go live in Britain.

Jasmine and Axel: [_in _unison] Britain?

Jasmine: Did you go?

Robin: Are you kidding? Leave the only place I felt at home to go live with my useless excuse for a dad and his prize cow girlfriend? No way. I went on protest. Do you know what I did? I sat in the Muppet Theatre, refusing to budge until Dad gave up his plans and stayed. But do you know what the stupid berk did? He went without me!

Axel: No way!

Robin: Yes way. He gave Uncle Kermit a piece of paper with his address and telephone on and said 'Look after my boy until I get back, will ya, Kermit?' And guess what?

Jasmine: What?

Robin: He never came back.

Axel: Oh, wow. [_mutters_] Jerk

Jasmine: Were you upset that he'd left you?

Robin: I was at first. I was so shocked that he just up and left me like that, that I yelled and screamed at him not to go, but he said 'Do you want to come then, son? To your new life in Britain?' and of course I had to refuse because although it took me a while to realise, it's better to be here, with people who care about you. Real family isn't about blood relatives and ancestry websites, it's about people who care and will put in the time to look after you no matter what. You guys don't know how lucky you are, your dad is the most amazing person I know. And although I miss my dad a lot, at the end of the day… I'm kind of glad he walked out on me because it showed me what I needed to know.

Axel: Yuck.

Jasmine: You just _had _to ruin the moment, didn't you? [_To __**Robin**_] Well, that story was very touching and very long too, I'm not sure we have any time for any more questions. Is there anything else you want to say?

Robin: Yeah, [_To camera_] Know who you can trust, whoever they might be because you never know when you might need them.

**Aww, how sweet. See you soon guys. Peace!**


	7. The Great Gonzo

**I think that I've been writing too much deep stuff this week, so I'm going to lighten the mood with a really funny chapter of this. And you know what that means…!**

**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are stood outside __**Gonzo's **__door. __**Jasmine **__knocks._

Jasmine: Gonzo? Are you in there?

Gonzo: Who is it?

Axel: It's us, Jasmine and Axel.

Jasmine: Can we come in?

Gonzo: Yeah, just give me a minute.

_They wait. Suddenly, there is a huge BANG noise and __**Jasmine**__ bursts into the room followed by __**Axel**__. Inside they see __**Gonzo **__face-first in a painting. There is a canon behind him which suggests that he fired himself out of it._

Jasmine: Oh, Gonzo, what have you done _now_?

Gonzo: [_muffled_] Nothing, I just fired myself out of a canon into a painting.

Axel: Again?

Jasmine: Well, we've got a favour to ask, so how about this, if we get you out of that painting, will you let us interview you?

Gonzo: Interview me? Sure, I guess. As my old dad used to say, agree now ask questions later!

Jasmine: I thought you didn't know your family, Gonzo?

[_She pulls him out of the painting and he lands in a heap on the carpet_]

Gonzo: No, I lied for a joke. It's what I _imagine _he'd say, if I knew him.

Jasmine: So you had no parents?

Gonzo: Nope

Jasmine: No family at all?

Gonzo: No

Axel: Did you ever wish you did?

Gonzo: Are you kidding? I'm the only person I've ever met who is the same species as me! I _needed _to know who my family were.

**(This subject has been abandoned due to fact that I haven't seen Gonzo's movie ****_Muppets from Space_** **I think I will just make up a back-story for him like I did with Robin)**

Gonzo: I was left in a basket outside Nanny's place with nothing but a piece of paper saying my name.

Jasmine: Aww, do you ever think that that poor start to life changed you in any way?

Gonzo: Not really, I know I'm weird but I suppose I would still be weird even if I _had _a family. Anyway, it doesn't matter to me; you Muppets are my family now.

Jasmine: Cute.

Axel: Too cute, yuck. Let's change the subject to something different. [_To __**Gonzo**_] So you are easily the weirdest Muppet there is here.

Gonzo: Thanks!

Axel: [_looks taken aback_] Is there a reason why you're so weird all the time?

Gonzo: It's fun!

Jasmine: Well we know that, but firing yourself out of a canon into a painting? Balancing a piano on one hand? Riding that motorcycle of yours over someone's head? Eating a tire?

Gonzo: To the music of _The Flight of the Bumblebee!_

[**_Jasmine _**_gives him a questioning look_]

Gonzo: I find that life is too short to be bored, so I make sure everything I do is hilariously random and entertaining. Also, it links back to me having no family. You see, when you start life as an orphan, you're certain that you're not going to do anything important with your life. You have no family, so you're a nobody, a nothing. But I can be as determined as your mum sometimes; I wasn't going to let that define me! The image of you is an empty canvas and it's your duty to paint what image you want before someone else does it for you. I wanted to be famous and for being weird. That's my dream and I've always dreamed it ever since the beginning and now, I think it has come true.

Jasmine: There! I knew we could get an inspiring speech out of you! Is there anything you want to add?

Axel: [_interrupts, putting his face in front of the camera_] Yes, this is Axel saying that if I hear one more disgusting family speech, I'll throw up!


	8. Animal and The Swedish Chef

Jasmine: OK, bro, I had a feeling I'd regret letting _you _choose who to interview next but I'm willing to give your choice a go.

Axel: Great, well it's just through here.

[_He opens a door to a dressing room. The room is very messy with scuffed walls and clothes everywhere. Sitting behind a drum set is __**Animal**_]

Jasmine: [_stares at __**Axel**__ then at__** Animal**__, then back at__** Axel**_] Animal?_ Animal_! You could have picked _anyone_ in this _entire_ establishment! You could have picked Mum or Dad or-**(OK! Going to stop there to avoid spoilers to later chapters!)** but you picked _Animal_! In case your immensely dense brain hadn't noticed, Animal can _barely speak_! And even when he does, he never says anything of any importance! God, you're _so_ stupid sometimes.

Axel: Well…I thought…

Jasmine: That's the last time I trust you with anything.

Axel: Well, while we're here, we might as well _try _interviewing him.

Jasmine: Oh, alright, though if anything goes wrong I'm blaming you.

Axel: Suit yourself. [_He walks over to __**Animal**_] So, Animal,

Animal: Animal!

Axel: You're the drummer in the Muppets aren't you?

Animal: Drums! DRUMS!

Jasmine: Didn't Dad already try to interview Animal while back on the show?

Axel: Did he? What happened?

Jasmine: He got used as a drum kit

Axel: You don't mean…? [_He mimes hitting her on the head with drumsticks_]

Jasmine: You got it pal.

Axel: Well, in that case… [_He looks at __**Animal**__, then at __**Jasmine**__, then back at __**Animal**_] Let's get out of here!

[_Outside_]

Jasmine: I mean it! I'm never trusting you again! We almost got bashed to pieces alone in a room with him!

Axel: Oh, pleeeeeeeease sis? Give me another chance!

Jasmine: No way pal.

Axel: Pleeeeeeeease? I won't muck up this time, I promise!

Jasmine: Oh, alright. But make sure it's good otherwise you're for it. And most of all, make sure it's someone who _talks_!

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are inside the Muppet Kitchen with the __**Swedish Chef**_]

Swedish Chef: Hurgy burgy schmergy! Der piggen und der froggen! Dain interview!

Jasmine: That's it! I give up! Good grief, you're dumber than Link Hogthrob!

Axel: I'm sorry sis, give me another chance!

Jasmine: Nope! You _had _another chance and you _blew_ it! With…this thing! I told you to find someone who talks, that's what I said! Isn't that what I said?

Axel: [_sighing_] Yeah

Jasmine: And who did you pick? WHO DID YOU PICK? I don't even want to _look _at you right now, you're sooooo DUMB! God!

[_She marches off_]

Axel: Wait, where are you going?

Jasmine: I'm off to find someone _sensible _to interview!

**Please don't be shocked, it's meant to be funny. Laugh it up pals.**


	9. Sam the Eagle

**Hiya guys, I'm aware that any of you who have read my recent fanfic won't be able to take this seriously, but please keep in mind that this fanfic takes place four years before the one I've just written with Sapphire in it so that's why Axel acts differently towards Sam in this one. I actually wrote this chapter a while ago but am only uploading it now because I've edited it. Sapphire is mentioned in this but I won't spoil anything (for once!)**

**_Sam _**_is sitting at his desk doing unknown, boring stuff. __**Axel **__and __**Jasmine **__walk up to his desk and stand looking expectant at him._

Axel: Sam?

[_No reply_]

Jasmine: Sam, we need to talk to you.

[_Still no reply. __**Sam**__ doesn't react_]

Jasmine and Axel: Saaaaaam? Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, S-

Sam: [_snaps_] What?

Jasmine: Can we interview you?

Sam: Interview? No, I don't think so.

Axel: Oh, pleeeeeeeease, Sam!

Jasmine: Please, please?

Sam: It would be undignified and unpatriotic.

Jasmine: Oh, go on, Sam!

Sam: I _would_ if you two weren't stupid, unimportant school-children.

Jasmine: How dare you! I'm important! I'm Kermit the Frog's daughter!

[**_Sam _**_looks unimpressed_]

Axel: Pleeease let us interview you, Sam!

Jasmine and Axel: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Sam: ALRIGHT! Alright, if you stop bothering me!

Jasmine and Axel: Yay! [_High-five_]

Sam: This'd better be quick; I have a lot to do.

Axel: It'll be quick anyway; we spent so much time begging you to let us interview you!

Jasmine: Huh. Well firstly, what is it like being a Muppet?

Sam: What? I'm not a Muppet! You don't seriously think that someone of my high status would-

Axel: Oh, shut up with your boring old patriotism, Sam.

Jasmine: Quite. So, if you're not a Muppet, what is your opinion on the oth- I mean, on the Muppets?

Sam: To be frankly honest, I think they're ridiculous.

Jasmine: What, all of them? Not just Gonzo?

Sam: No every single one. And yes, before you even ask, you two as well. In fact, at this current moment in time, you are, in my opinion, the most annoying in the whole theatre establishment.

Axel: [_speechless, looks thunderstruck_]

Jasmine: Right, well, moving swiftly on-

Axel: [_interrupts_] Actually Jasmine, I have a question for Sam. [_To __**S **_am] If you hate it so much here, and you think everyone's so annoying, why are you still here? Why don't you just shove off?

Sam: [_shrugs_] I need the money to support my family.

Jasmine: You have a family?

Sam: Yes.

Jasmine: A wife?

Sam: Yes.

Axel: Children?

Sam: A little girl, yes.

Axel: How come you've never told anyone?

Sam: I don't have to tell everyone my life story, do I? I think it's none of your business.

Jasmine: Well tough! We're journalists now; it's our job to stick our noses into other people's business!

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine**__ laugh. __**Sam **__gets up and leaves_]

Jasmine: Hey, where are you going?

Sam: I've had enough of this foolishness, I'm off.

Jasmine: Aww, come on Sam!

[_No reply_]

Axel: Well, he wasn't much fun.

Jasmine: Yeah, let's go find someone more interesting to interview.


End file.
